Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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