I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
