Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
