I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize