so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
