i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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