I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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