he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
