six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
