apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
