Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
