someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
