My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
