just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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