I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she pinky promised me she was 18
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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