I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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