just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Girls should come with a carfax report
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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