This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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