You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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