Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
