Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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