last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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