I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
