he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
