he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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