Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
