Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He has the fingertips of a God
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
