I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
