It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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