Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
