i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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