the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
