I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
