youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
