it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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