I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
