it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
