Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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