Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
