We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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