Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
