My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
