I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Even my vagina gasped.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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