Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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