Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
