as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
there is glitter all over my balls
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