do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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