I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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