Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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