seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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